Update

The burping is getting more out of control. I've begun to hone my skills and I'm getting better at it. I think this condition might stick around long after I'm done taking Chantix.

That is all.

Burping The House Down

So, I'm about a week smoke-free and I have to tell you, I'm pretty happy about it! In fact, I have almost forgotten that I was ever a smoker. I was truly put to the test this weekend, though. I had an out-of-town guest who smokes. He's the one who started Chantix a few days after me. Things are going a little differently for him though. The medicine is not working as quickly for him. Anyway, the point of the story is that he and I hung out, drank and even went to see Andrew Bird at the House of Blues (um, it was fantastic, in case you were wondering. I literally have no words to describe it.) and I wasn't tempted, even while he continued to smoke. I'm not judging or anything, I swear. Okay, maybe a little. It's just that now that I'm on the other side, I'm realizing that it's a habit that can only be described as repugnant.

Anyway, I'm experiencing a whole new round of side effects in the last few days. The nausea is still there, but only in the morning. My dreams have calmed down for the most part. One of the new side effects is kind of gross, but I'll go ahead and lay it out there. I can now burp like a 400-pound, beer-swilling man. I've read that this might happen, and let's not kid, it's kind of funny. Especially coming from a prim and proper lady such as myself...

Chantix is interesting in that there's a new ailment nearly every single day. I think I might end up with Chantix-induced polio. Or even Chantix-induced rabies. For now, I'm a Burpasaurus Rex and I suppose I shouldn't complain because it could always get worse. By tomorrow, I could very easily develop some rare strain of Chantix-induced SARS. Why don't we talk about SARS anymore? It's kind of sad. Let's bring that back in 2009.

Divine Intervention

So, today is the first day of taking the increased dosage of Chantix. I must be honest - I don't feel well. I feel mighty vomit-y. I know that isn't a word, but it's the best way that I can describe how I feel.

Wait a minute. Chantix helps you quit smoking AND gives you an eating disorder? I may have spoken too soon. This might just be about as good as a hug from Jesus.

It's Official

I'm on Day Six of the Chantix treatment and cigarettes are disgusting. I quit. For good.

Rain

On rainy nights, such as this one, I tend to turn on the more mellow tunes. I ran across Rain which happens to be a terrific song by Patty Griffin that has inadvertently started to mean a lot to me. It's scarily relatable, in addition to being a phenomenal track. If you're interested, go check out the lyrics. If you're not interested, then skip to the next post to hear about my Chantix nightmares. Or not. The blog police aren't going to come after you either way.

I'm walking on the wild side this evening. Must be the white wine-Chantix spritzer.

Dream Theatre?

So, I'm four doses in and I'm still coherent enough to post on the blog. That's a good thing, right? I guess it depends who you ask, though...

Nothing significant has happened yet. Well, my dreams have been more active. They're not horrible, terrible nightmares per se, there are just a lot of dreams happening in what feels like a short period of time. Some have been more memorable than others and some of them even a little funny. Let's not kid - me on an infomercial? That's comedy and you know it. There was one that freaked me out a little, but I won't recount it here. Mostly because no one else thinks it's as scary as I do. In fact, it's been laughed at on a few occasions. Thanks for the support, guys.

I met a woman who claimed to be clairvoyant today. It was one of the most remarkable encounters of my lifetime. She was able to tell me things and advise me with absolute certainty. I'm a big fan of certainty. She was completely confident in what she told me and I almost had no choice but to believe her. It never ceases to amaze me that there are enlightened people such as this woman walking amongst us each and everyday. Pretty cool, if you ask me!

Chantix For Two

It's my third day of Chantix and I'm still here. It's actually starting to make a lot more sense, too.

I decided to smoke a cigarette around 10:00 this morning. I was horrified when I realized what a letdown it was. Typically, 10:00 cigarettes are pretty righteous. Again, I thought I'd smoke after lunch. It was more of the same.

It's been three days. THREE DAYS. I'm already feeling myself smoking, not out of need, but out of habit and habit alone. I've not had a single cigarette craving all day. Now, the habit of just smoking for the sake of smoking? That might be the uphill climb of this battle.

I didn't have any unusual dreams last night, either. I was pleasantly surprised when the last song I heard before drifting off to sleep crept its way into my slumber. Lucky for me, I was listening to some pretty great music last night. Gentle Hour by Yo La Tengo = sweet dreams for me!

On a different (but not too different) note, I've insprired (or at least I like to think so) one other to accompany me on the thrill ride that is Chantix. He's starting three days after me, so clearly, I'm light years ahead of him. I'm kidding, of course. But, it will be so nice to have someone who can really, really relate to what's happening with this whole thing. It's always nice to have a partner in what we attempt to accomplish. It just makes it more fun. Wish us both luck!

I'm going to see Bill Cosby tonight with my Dad. I'm fighting the urge to make a sign that says something about Jello Pudding Pops. What ever happened to those things? They were staggeringly delicious. I'll have to ask Dr. Cosby this evening. I'll let you know what he says.

Best Voicemail Ever

Two posts in one day? Try to contain yourself...

I just received the best voicemail message of 2009. It was from a good friend who I've not spoken to in a few days. He knows I'm starting Chantix and I guess he was checking on which of the horrific side effects I've been experiencing.

"Just checking to make sure you're not dead."

Here's the million dollar question: Do I call him back immediately or do I make him sweat it out for a few days? I'm leaning towards the latter. It's funnier that way, yes?

Dreaming In A Vacuum

I know it's been a while since I've updated and for that I have no excuse. In my defense, I've been waiting for something really, really newsworthy to happen. Well my friends, that day has come. We've got lots to talk about.

Most importantly, I took my first dose of Chantix yesterday. I've been an off and on smoker for some time now and I would like to drop the habit. For good. So, I plan to use my blog to document my experience. The good, the bad and the vivid (dreams). So far, I've only had one weird dream. Last night, I dreamt that I was selling vacuum cleaners on TV, infomercial-style. For those that don't know, this is especially strange because until fairly recently, I've not even had carpet to vacuum. The reality is that I probably can't blame my waking dream of being an infomercial legend on Chantix. Truthfully, I sometimes enjoy watching infomercials. Don't judge me, I never said I was proud of it!!!

I just took my second dose of the crazy pill and I still feel relatively normal. I haven't had an upset stomach or anything. I am a little concerned that the suicidal (or homicidal) thoughts will start soon. Just kidding, I'm going to be fine. And this time next week, I should be smoke-free! That's exciting!

At the end of the month, I'm going to accompany my younger sister to see her most favorite (I use the term oh-so-loosely) "rock star", Britney Spears. This has been an absolute dream of hers for a long time now and when she asked me to go with her, I wanted to say no. I couldn't. It's just one of those sister things that will hopefully be fun. If I can sit through that shit without smoking, then I will have truly won the battle. I asked my sister if it would be alright with her if I brought my iPod to listen to during the show. She was not receptive, to say the least. The good news? I'm trying to convince her that it would be a good idea if she and I dressed up as our favorite "Britney."

I am on the hunt for a bald cap. Clearly, bald Britney is the only way to go.